THE WARRIOR WORRIERS...

SUNDAY, JANUARY 29 2012

MASSIVE NIGHTS FC...16 TORQUAY WARRIORS...1

Massive Nights surged to the top of the league with a narrow victory over early-eason pacesetters Torquay Warriors on Sunday night.

Despite fielding what was effectively a reserve side, Gaffer Will's troops edged past Warriors in a misfiring display and can consider themselves fortunate to come away with the points.

It was always going to be a struggle for Nights without their 30-goal-a-season striker Andy, who was said to have 'failed a late fitness test'. But with transfer deadline day just around the corner, internet forums were awash with rumours that the in-demand 30-goal-a-season striker could be on his way to the Premiership, with B&Q said to be leading the chase for the 30-goal-a-season striker.

With soccer bad boy Donaldinho also absent after failing to return from a night out sipping Babycham cocktails with Pans People in Tavistock's premier nite-spot, 70s TV detective Hutch on international duy with Wales and Robo-Feas possibly having to eat Yorkie bars while driving big trucks around, Grandfather of Techno Paul was handed a rare start alongside Strictly Come Windy, Young Lad, Bosnian Warlord Vito and the brown-booted one, who all joined Gaffer Will - sporting his new Justin Bieber haircut - in the side.

The General reacts to news that Paul has made the starting six

Nights started slowly and looked unlikely to come out on top until their travelling fans got behind them to create a bit of atmosphere. Buoyed by their fanatic support, and aided by the tactical advice coming from the terraces, Nights got on top with the Grandfather of Techno scuffing in a couple of shabby efforts before the floodgates opened. Young Lad led the charge with six unimpressive efforts, Croatian hitman Vito notched four times, all equally fortunate, Will handballed in a brace and Paul claimed two others that were actually own goals.

On a disappointing evening, the only bright spot for Nights was the performance of Kit the brown-booted shotstopper, whose outstanding skills and concentration levels were a beacon of hope for the whole club.

Mogwon: Kit shows off his ball skills

Despite being bored witless, cold and wet, he sprinkled a bit of stardust on proceedings with some staggering skills - dragbacks, Cruyff turns and double stepovers that would grace a Nike TV advert. If only all Nights players had his dedication and developed their own skills accordingly.

Gaffer Will was delighted with the win, if not the performance. He said: "I'm delighted with the win. I knew we would eventually break then down despite me having to pick from the stiffs. After all, I'm a Belieber.

Delighted: Gaffer Will

"The big guns will be back next week and we won't have to rely on kids and old men. Today was all about the result, and I think it's best to put it behind us and concentrate on next week."

Massive Nights scorers: Tias 6, Paul 4, Vito 4, Will 2

The 'I had a Massive Night-mare' award goes to... Donaldinho - last season's joint player of the year (well, second place really) is still to get off the mark this season. Poor show from the Nights playboy.