SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20 2011
MASSIVE NIGHTS FC...11 LA GAYLAXY DAN FC...6
Expecting to face what had been dubbed a title decider against second-placed LA Gaylaxy, Massive Nights arrived at TGGS to find the goalsposts had been shifted.
In a move clearly designed to unsettle the league leaders, Nights found themselves evicted from their regular home dressing room and forced to adapt to the unfamiliar surroundings of the male changing area.
Already reeling from the absence of hooligan firm top boy and director of football The General, Nights were then told Gaylaxy had declined to fulfil the fixture.
Instead, the Manchester City of the Torquay Soccer Sixes were to line up against Dan FC, currently setting the pace at the foot of the Division One table.
Nights had a strong squad available, missing only Bosnian warlord Vito, the out-of-favour utility man who had been sent out on loan to B&Q following his controversial withdrawal from last week's needle match against PEN 15.
With Robo-Feas directing operations from the technical area, and controversially leaving midfield ace Scrawny on the bench, the signs were already ominous and Nights soon fell 2-0 down.
It took Grandfather of Techno Paul to haul Nights back into the game, toe-poking a 40-yarder into the corner which surprised him as much as it did everyone else.
It soon became apparent that Dan FC had done their homework on Massive Nights and had identified the title favourites' danger man - and set about trying to take leading scorer Andy out of the game.
To his credit, the chairman refused to be riled by the physical assault on him, and in a display of diplomacy that would have been the envy of Henry Kissenger, picked himself up, dusted himself down and congratulated his assailant on a hard but fair challenge before shaking his hand and wishing him the best of luck for the rest of the game.
Unfortunately, the referee and others misinterpreted the Nights hitman's sporting gesture and Robo-Feas bizarrely elected to substitute the big man 'to save him from a blue card'. Unfathomable.
Still bewildered by the course events had taken, the chairman soon returned to action and almost immediately clipped in the equaliser with a stunning volley from 70s crimefighting detective Hutch's cross.
Nights were still up against it as brown-booted shotstopper Kit was in particularly generous mood, allowing Dan FC to score at will.
But soccer bad boy Donaldinho, who in a tribute to the late actor Paul Eddington had come dressed as Jerry out of The Good Life, stepped up to the mark and hit a quick-fire treble as Nights took charge.
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| Spot the difference: (top) soccer bad boy Donaldinho; and (bottom) Jerry Leadbetter out of The Good Life The goals continued to fly in after the break, with Andy creating history by becoming the first player in Massive Nights history to score 20 goals in a season, reaching the milestone with two outstanding left-foot strikes to notch his third hat-trick in successive games, a feat previously considered impossible by football experts across the globe. The other goals came from Paul, with his second of the night, Will, and a Hutch double. They were all run-of-the-mill and warrant no further mention here. On a evening of overwhelming positives for Massive Nights, the only negative was Scrawny's failure to break his duck in front of goal. His drought goes on. Gaffer Will was delighted by the giant-killing win, and reserved special praise for his 20-goal-a-season striker. "Massive Nights players are role models and young kids look up to them, and it's a responsibility my lads take very seriously," said the gaffer.  "So I was delighted to see Andy react in the measured way he did under intense provocation. After all, kids these days are all into WWE and violent video games, so I'd say he acted as the perfect role model there." Massive Nights scorers... Andy 3, Donaldinho 3, Paul 2, Hutch 2, Will The 'I had a Massive Night-mare' award goes to... Kit, for this (Dan FC's third goal...) |
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