GAFFER SWOOPS FOR GREAVESY!

Good to his word, Gaffer Will has pulled off the transfer coup of the century by securing the signature of former Hull City ace Chris Hargreaves.

Hargreaves joins Massive Nights FC on a long-term deal, having negotiated a signing-on fee of three pints of Tribute.

Chris celebrates signing his contract with Massive Nights FC

Hargreaves' switch to the Newton Abbot-based club came as a surprise to his former team-mates, who believed his best days were behind him. I can reveal that more than one of the Torquay United team Chris captained to promotion at Wembley are now seeking to follow in his footsteps and make the move back to the big time with Massive Nights.

Chris's former Gulls clubmates react to the news of his move to Massive Nights

Chris goes straight into the squad for Sunday's clash with Buccaneers FC at TBGS (5.30ko), leaving Gaffer Will facing a tricky selection poser after last week's 8-0 thumping of E.FC.

Sources close to the Massive Nights boss suggest he is planning to pair Hargreaves with in-demand striker Andy, who is into single figures for the season already, in an attacking dream team.

And in an interesting sub-plot, Hargreaves is on collision course with out-of-form veteran goal poacher Paul in a row over squad numbers.

"I play number 14," said Chris. "That's the number I wore when I whacked one in the top corner and lifted a trophy at Wembley, and I'll fight anyone who tries to take number 14 off me.

Chris Hargreaves in his famous number 14 shirt, showing off to some kids

"I heard Paul was wearing 14 last week, but I also heard he had a bit of a Weston-Super-Mare as well, so I'm sure he'll see sense.  I don't give a shiny sh*te if it's his kit, I own a sports shop and I've got loads of kits. So there."